I Love a Man with a Suit!

photo by mrdavenixon

CBS News Correspondent: What happened? Tell us your story...
"Fountain Lady":  I was just walking along in the mall, and when I fell into the fountain, no one rushed over to help me. No one! (dabs at her eye with a tissue)
CBS: Where did this video come from? 
"Fountain Lady": It must have come from the mall's security department. And instead of coming and seeing if I was all right, they were watching me (sniffles) and laughing at me. I mean, the fountain could have been empty and I really could have gotten hurt. I could have been a child, or an elderly person that fell into that water.  
CBS: (thinking, But you aren't a child or a senior citizen.  What you are is an idiot!) I understand the video then went viral. You got a call from a friend two days after it happened, telling you they had seen the video on youtube.
"Fountain Lady": Yesss. (dabs at eye again, adds a quivering lip in for a bit more effect)
CBS: Let's take a look at the video.

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CBS:  I noticed in the video, you had your head down as you were walking, and it looked like you were preoccupied with something in your hands.  What was going on?
"Fountain Lady": I was texting.
CBS News Correspondent: You were texting?  What were you texting that was so important?
"Fountain Lady": A friend wanted to know my birthday and husband's birthday. I know now that I should not have been texting while I was walking through the mall. But no one came to see if I was okay (manages to squeeze a tear out of one of her eyes) until twenty minutes after it happened.
CBS: I understand you're going to sue the mall? (thinking, What kind of protection for "stupid" should the mall provide?)
"Fountain Lady": Yes. (dabs at eyes) My attorney says I have a good chance of winning buckets of money.
CBS: Luckily, you weren't hurt, were you?  I mean, you fell into that fountain and then just popped up immediately and stepped out of the water.  You weren't injured, were you?
"Fountain Lady": No, I wasn't, but my...my...(sobs) my Blackberry was ru-ined! (sobs some more)
CBS: I am so sorry for your loss. (Correspondent pats "Fountain Lady" on the shoulder as he turns his face away, trying to suppress his laughter.  Suddenly a colleague walks over and hands him a sheet of paper.) Uh, I just got a report that you have outstanding charges against you.  You used someone else's credit card and charged $5,000 on it?  Altogether, there are five felony charges against you and...("Fountain Lady" rips the microphone off and rushes off the stage) Ma'am! Ma'am!  Why are you running off? (turns to the camera) I guess this interview is over. We'll update you with more details when they're available.

photo by MarkScott2011

(Note:  There IS  a woman who fell into a fountain at a Pennsylvania mall while she was texting.  She DID get a lawyer and planned on suing the mall, but then 5 felony charges against HER surfaced and suddenly, the law suit was dropped. Perhaps it's just a coincidence?)

photo by Daisy.Sue