Skin Like a China Doll's

photo by Akida

         My skin is flawless. It really is. It reminds me of porcelain. When I hear talk about the complexion of certain actresses, how perfect it is, I think, 'My skin is like that too. My face has no evidence of pores...'

      That is, until I got a magnifying mirror.

      Oh, from a distance, and with eyes that are going bad, my skin is perfect. I cannot see any pores whatsoever. It looks like I'm wearing foundation (although I never have succumbed).

    But with the help (thanks so much) from the magnifying mirror, I can finally see that the pores on my face are large enough to land a rocket ship in. (In fact, I hear a helicopter circling now. Excuse me. I'll be right back.) There are also huge brownish spots. (Someone muttered, "Age spots." I backhanded them.) And the wrinkles and furrows are deep enough to host a pipeline. With room for some tree-huggers to crawl around, as well.

    I got the mirror because my eyebrow hairs are quite wily. Elusive, clever, they are bent on survival. They even have evolved and now use camouflage to avoid getting plucked. Pure white, they blend in with my pasty skin and are almost impossible to see. The magnifying mirror helped me hunt them down, but now I am too scared to use it.

     If you see one of those mirrors in the store that boasts "10x" or even more, don't walk away. Run. And put a lower wattage bulb in your bathroom. Your self-esteem will thank you...

(This was prompted by a comment Lisa Ricard Claro made on Tammy Goodsell's blog. They are both funny, but I don't read their blogs anymore because my pantyliners have a limited capacity.) 

     

Guest Author: Tracy Seeley

       Exciting news! On July 12, Tracy Seeley will be doing a guest post on my blog. Tracy is the author of My Ruby Slippers: The Road Back to Kansas.

      Her post will help writers who find their words are just not working for them. (Don't we all have uncooperative words at times?)

      I was lucky enough to be the random winner of a copy of Tracy's book; the contest was hosted by WOW--Women on Writing.(I cannot wait to read it!)

      For those who love memoir, for those who are writing a memoir, or for those who want to pick Tracy's brain about the writing/publishing process, leave your questions in the comment section on July 12 and Tracy will answer them. 
    

Magpie 72

        
       
        Every Monday (is it Monday already?) Tess Kincaid offers up a delectable dessert: Magpie Tales.

         Go to Magpie to read the other delicious tales---poems and vignettes--and link your own to the bountiful buffet of dishes.

Wheat Field with Rising Sun, Vincent Van Gogh, 1889

       A special exhibit of his paintings. Unbelievable! Like it was a religious pilgrimage, she went to the art museum. Past the massive doors, across the marble floors of the cavernous main gallery, she headed to where canvas had been touched by god...

      Going from piece to piece, gazing, genuflecting, getting lost in where he had troweled paint onto cloth.

      Waiting until the guard was gone, and ignoring the velvet ropes, she leaned forward and touched one. Just one spot where he had been...

      And then she left with a blissful smile.

This is a true story. I have loved Van Gogh for more than 4 decades and when a special Van Gogh exhibit came to town and I was way-too-old-and-should-have-known-better, I went and, uable to help myself, touched one of his paintings (even though I knew the oil from my finger would help hasten the painting's decomposition).


Somehow I think he would have understood. Or at least forgiven me...


Please don't tell my city's art museum. They just might decide to dust it for fingerprints and then put me in jail. Wait... Long jail sentence +  unlimited free time = the luxury of uninterrupted reading and writing. Umm..

Praise the Chocolate, and Pass the Ammunition

photo by houtlust
Do we need to be able to speak German to understand this?
I think not...

      Okay, ladies. Gather 'round...This one's for you.

      It's time for our monthly "meeting." And for those who no longer have any monthly "meetings," join us, please. The chocolate and the nonstop playings of "Goodbye Earl" and "Fried Green Tomatoes" will help us all.

      Oh, the line is long for the milk chocolate bars with macadamia nuts? Find a chair, sit down, and read this. By the time you finish laughing and changing your underwear (incontinence is not fun! Little panty liners have no chance of keeping up with pee-your-pants uproarious laughter!) the line for the chocolate bars will be shorter...