The Pyrenees---Southern France

The Pyrenees---Southern France

Friday, October 21, 2011

Linda O'Connell: Arrested

        (For all of Linda's blogging friends, be assured that Linda is being treated with the utmost of care. Although the orange jumpsuit is not particularly flattering--considering her complexion--the guards have allowed her to use her laptop during her incarceration, so have no fear: Linda's blogging will continue uninterrupted.)

photo by gloomy50

      Ironically, the crime scene was the same place where Linda was assault, a couple of months ago. Coincidence? I think not...

      For those who have not read the story on CNN yet, you're probably wondering what Linda did that landed her in the slammer. After a jackass man called 911 to report an incident of over-exuberant WOMEN (Writing Outrageously, Mimicking, Eavesdropping and Nudging), the police arrived, sirens wailing and lights flashing. The other three perps scattered, too wily for the police to apprehend. Linda had remained on the scene to try and bash some sense into the jackass' victim's girlfriend/wife. Her efforts were in vain...

      Witnesses claim they saw the four women sitting for a couple of hours in overstuffed chairs, immediately outside the Barnes and Noble cafe. Part of that time, sporadically, they were silent, hunched over pieces of paper. At other times they seemed to be passing each other notes, and would then be observed gesturing (with nods of their head, and widened eyes) towards the jackass victim and his female companion, who were directly behind them.

     Some of the statements from the witnesses made the incident murkier, rather than more clear.

       "They seemed to be concerned with the punctuation of a particular term of endearment--one that is reserved for those who are overly-adoring of their mom...Was it one word, was it hyphenated, or was it two words? Apparently one of the women is an expert with the phrase, because she insisted it was one word," one woman in her twenties said.

       "There was quite a lot of cackling and snorting about doing things 'with no strings attached.' I think they were talking about embroidering, or tatting...I'm not sure. Whatever it was, they were getting a lot of enjoyment out of it. The heat at Barnes and Noble must have really kicked on then, too, because one of the women kept pulling at the neckline of her sweater and complaining about it being 'too hot' right then," a blue-haired elderly woman reported.

       "One of the ladies passed around a photo of a trailer to the other members of her gang. It was appalling. I happened to be walking by at that exact moment, and caught sight of it out of the corner of my eye. It was positively frightening. I am--shudder--going to have nightmares about that thing, I just know it," a middle-aged man claimed. "It was obviously a place where horrendous things had taken place," he added, and then scurried away, still visibly shaken.

      "I don't know why they chose those overstuffed chairs. One of the women--she had short hair...I think they called her 'Sue'--had enough cellulite back there, she sits in first-class style wherever she goes...What? Okay, I'll stick with the facts, just the facts...I got the impression that one of their gangmembers was missing. They kept saying how they wished 'Lynn' was there. I'm not sure...I don't know if that's an alias or what," a trim-figured woman stated. 

     In the only statement Linda made to the authorities, she claimed that she was there for her regular critique group. According to her, they meet every two weeks; they gather together to improve their writing. They also nudge each other to submit with greater frequency. When asked specifically about the alleged incident, Ms. O'Connell's calm, professional demeanor disappeared. She began to gesture, and her facial expressions became quite animated.

      "That girl does not know what she's gotten into. He's asinine. She actually was asking his permission to have her friends over. HE has his friends over twice a month for poker. I sure don't think he asks HER permission, do you? AND, he was all effusive about one of the players who is female. 'She's so good...She plays so well.' I know who's getting poked and I know all-too-well what game they're playing. That poor thing needs to wake up and..." 

      The officers had to cut her off; the spray from her excited spitting had soaked their uniforms. She was then taken from the premises and dragged off to be processed.

     For those who are interested in contributing to Linda O'Connell's legal fund, they may go to her November 13 book signing and buy a copy of the Storm Country anthology. More details can be found on her blog. The police are planning to be in attendance with their SWAT team. There are rumors that a person of interest--only known as "Obermoeller"--will be there. This "Obermoeller" character is wanted in connection with the October 19 Barnes and Noble incident...      


  1. Waiting for the "Law & Order" sound...

  2. You just crack me up!! When I met you, I would've never guessed you were so funny! (You pretended to be all shy and quiet and stuff...remember?!)
    You're an awesome writer, Sioux, and I know you are on your way to Big Things!! (and no, I wasn't referring to your boobs...)

  3. Shay--If I could add a audio clip, I would for sure add that "thunk thunk" sound.

    Becky--Thanks. I'm glad I provided a bit of levity for you today.

  4. You are depraved, like the rest of us :) Do you recal the third grade teacher in attendance who was adamant that the mama word did not require hypenation. Maybe you should write about Chilli and the cute door monitor.

    SPITTLE, you wait :) First you bruise my derriere, then my ego.

  5. Thank heavens we can now keep better tabs on her. :-)


  6. I am laughing my ars off! This is funny stuff...if I hadn't been there myself, I wouldn't have believed that four successful, well-mannered women were capable of ; )
    Now I am remember the rest of that conversation, and the tattoo I have decided to get - HA!

  7. Linda--I don't know who you're talking about. You'll have to fill me in at some point.

    Pearl--Yes, it's hard to keep track of her without leg irons and handcuffs. But in that orange jumpsuit, she stands out in a crowd...

    Beth--Definitely. Everybody wants George Clooney's head right THERE.

  8. Hehehe. . .I've met Linda only once, but she seemed so genteel and quiet! She obviously has a darker side I knew nothing about. All of you ladies living far north of me are a HOOT. What do they put in the water up there?

  9. This would be funny even if I had no idea what you're talking about. Just remember that, as professional writers, it is our responsibility to giggle and pass notes and correctly spell naughty words. And I think it's lucky that Linda was the one who could overhear that couple most easily. I might have passed notes to the woman ("Dump him and get a pretend boyfriend instead")!

  10. Ha, ha ha. I love that I'm in there even though I wasn't there. And you said you don't write fiction - you better do NaNoWriMo with me, I've decided to go for it! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease.


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