Oh, some of you try to namedrop, saying, "Well, I know Linda O'Connell," because Linda does lots of book talks, book signings, workshops and so on. When Chicken Soup clucks, there are at least a few feathers left fluttering around from Linda's
And others will claim, "Lynn? I know her," because Lynn Obermoeller is a member of the St. Louis Writers Guild. She was one of the writers whose work was featured in the anthology Storm Country, and was one of the talented twelve who made it into the Fifty Shades of Santa collection. She also is out there.
But two of our group's members are elusive creatures. They are like those albino blind newts that live in caves. They were rarely sighted. Rumors are whispered about them, but no one is quite sure--what is fact and what is fiction?
Here is what people are all frothing-at-the-mouth about. An expose' on Beth M. Wood, a founding member of the WWWPs.
To put her into perspective, I am going to compare her to me (and everybody knows me):
* uses My Fitness Pal to remember * used My Fitness Pal for three
to eat enough hours to try not to eat too much;
no instant weight loss meant I
tossed it aside
* when she's really amused, she * when I snort-laugh, people wonder
snorts, and it's endearing what farm animal has broken out
of the barn
* wears clothes that are in the * wears clothes that no longer have
single digits--the LOW single numbers on the label--instead,
single digits clever euphemisms like "Queenly"
and "Cruise Ship" indicate the size
* is 5'11'' in her bare feet * is 5'5" in her Crocs
* wears stylish belts around her * wears tummy-control pantyhose
tiny waist like they're a boa constrictor
* has long, dark-blonde hair * well, I do have hair...The color?
Let me find that box I just threw
* was excited when--on the * was excited when I found a box of
eve of a horrible snowstorm-- brownie mix in the cupboard
she found out they WERE having
exercise boot camp the next
* has boobs, and both of them * has boobs--they're now
are where they're supposed to divining rods
* is full after eating a tiny portion * is full of **it when she says,
of Lynn's lasagna No more, thanks. I'm full,"
when in reality she'd like to
eat all six servings and then
lick the plate clean
|Beth M. Wood, at a book signing in December 2012|
She has been published in several Chicken Soup for the Soul collections, in Sasee
along with many other publications
The next time you see a tall, thin blonde writer, with a smile like Julia Roberts, you now can--with confidence--go up and say, "Hi, Beth."
But don't count on it happening too soon. After all, Beth hides in her lair, taking care of her young'uns and in her precious free time, is busy sending off writing submissions. The sightings of Beth are rare. But at least you know a few things about her now.
(And Tammy, as you probably already suspect, you're the topic of my next expose.)