I stumped Hillbilly Mom. I out-Seinfelded her. I baited her, she nibbled, and then I reeled her in. I set out my trap, I...Oh, I hear some mumbling and grumbling. Too many metaphors? Sorry.
Hillbilly Mom (HM to her closest friends) is a Seinfeld expert with steeljaw trap of a memory. There are rumors she spends her whole day--every day--watching Seinfeld reruns, along with reruns of Designing Women and various other shows. She probably takes detailed notes, because no minor plotline eludes her. Except for this one time...
HM wrote a post about getting blood work done. That was not the main subject of her post, but I pounced nonetheless. Because I remembered an episode where Kramer poured some blood (that he was transporting) into an overheated radiator, I made a comment.
And Hillbilly Mom failed to make the connection. I asked if I had stumped her (to verify my victory) ; she confirmed it. And then the celebration began.
There was a ticker tape parade when I left my house and headed to Aldi's. The mayor of my little township presented me with the key to the city. My name (so they tell me) will appear in the next Guinness World Book of Records. And I'm going to be a guest judge on the show "So You Think You Can Dance" since I am quite skilled at dancing just like Elaine. (Sadly, I'm a one-trick pony. That is the ONLY dance I know how to do.)
Although I know this was a small battle--an insignificant skirmish in a huge war--I am savoring my win until the next time when we face off...and I'm beaten by her once again...
And in honor of Father's Day tomorrow, I'm including a video of Daniel Beaty, a wonderful poet. His poem, "Knock Knock" speaks to the impact a father has.
One of my favorite memories of my father was on vacation trips, in our station wagon, he'd sing. Funny songs, serious songs. From him I learned that "mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy..."
What is a favorite memory you have of your father?
I know nothing about Seinfeld, so no ticker tape parade, no key to the city for me!
ReplyDeleteLynn--Do you actually mean you've never watched Seinfeld? I hope that is not the case...
DeleteThere is no such thing as too many metaphors. They're not like muffin stumps, you know, to be pawned off on Rebecca DeMornay and the homeless. I don't mean to rain on your ticker tape parade, but I WILL regain my title.
ReplyDeleteMy dad liked to roll chocolate-covered peanuts across the floor for my black toy poodle, Buster, even though he knew dogs shouldn't have chocolate. Which showed me that sometimes, we can't help indulging the ones we love, even though it might not be what's best for them.
HM--I am well aware that this was a miniscule victory...Tomorrow, another battle, another tally mark marked on your side as a "win."
DeleteIt sounds like you unearthed a memory of Buster and your dad. I wonder if you have a dog story you could write and submit to Not Your Mother's Book...On Dogs? They are working on a second volume (I think).
Have a great day, and Top o' the Muffin to Ya!
Congratulations on reaching the pinnacle of stumpdom. Seinfeld is Hillbilly Mom's Viggo.
ReplyDeleteMy dad taught me how to change a tire and the dashboard fuses, both skills which I needed when I was over 100 miles away from his helping hands. Yay, Dad! I really was paying attention.
Val--Seinfeld makes HM strap on a drool bucket, like Viggo does for me? THAT I didn't know.
DeleteDashboard fuses? I don't even know what those are. It's amazing what our dads taught us--and passed onto us.
When my younger brother and I would argue and fight, my dad would say to my mom, "Come on, Ruth, let's go make some more."
ReplyDeleteIt always made me laugh, and I'd stop fighting. And I knew there would be no more babies - that factory was closed.
Kim--It sounds like your dad was a great guy. He at least knew how to use levity to make a serious situation easier to deal with. I imagine that is something your father passed onto you, Kim.
DeleteThanks for sharing your memory of your dad. I remember that "mares eat oats" song too. I have many favorite memories of dad, but one that always puts a smile on my face is when I read the comics I remember Dad reading the Sunday funnies to me and my siblings.
ReplyDeleteDonna--
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing a memory of YOUR dad. He must have been a hellava guy, considering how YOU ended up.
First, congratulations on your spectacular victory. May you retain the title for a good long while. :p Love the clip you shared -- very powerful.
ReplyDeleteDaddy memories. Wow. So many. The "Daddy" song I loved the most was "Would you like to swing on a star? Carry moonbeams home in a jar . . ." My favorite Daddy memory was a day at the beach when he showed me that when the sun shines on the ocean it looks like it is raining sun-drops. I wrote about it, and it was in Chicken Soup for the Beach Lover's Soul . . . that was one of my first pubs, and remains the one nearest and dearest to my heart because of my Dad. I always look for sun-drops on the water . . . *sigh*
Lisa--I wonder if you have a "guardian angel" story in you for the CS book?
DeleteWhat a touching memory. I imagine going the beach is a spiritual experience for you, along with being fun and relaxing.
Thanks for sharing...
You are too funny! My Daddy is such a gem, so many memories. One of my earliest, which I remember in technicolor is when I drank a bottle of cough syrup and he had to take me to the ER. They gave me syrup of ipecac and at 2.5, I was overwrought that "they" made me sick and was having none of that basin they wanted me to use. I ended up throwing up over my dad's shoulder and all down his back. He was wearing a green Jet's jersey!
ReplyDeleteSSSM--
ReplyDeleteNot Your Mother's Book (www.publishingsyndicate.com) has many titles they're working on. Could your story be one you submit for their stories about your "first time" you went to the ER? (Their anthology on "first times" is about all kinds of first times.) Check them out, and thanks for stopping by, Sorta Southern Single Mom...
My favorite "father memories" always revolve around music, better defined as sitting in the living room, placed in a magic spot between the speakers to better hear the musical genius of Gene Krupa. :-)
ReplyDeletePearl
Pearl--You probably have enough great dad stories to write a whole book of 'em.
DeleteHi, I am a new follower. My father is in his late 80's and I have so many fond memories. My favorite has to be when he had too much to drink at my wedding and sang with the band.
ReplyDeleteMelissa--Welcome!
DeleteThat sounds like a great memory. A funny one, too, I imagine. Thanks for sharing it...
Have you ever watched Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee with Seinfeld? VERY funny--and he picked up Michael Richards once, to name just one of the comedians.
ReplyDeleteOh, my dad. I'm lucky to still have him around, refusing to turn on the sound during Braves games. :-)
Cathy--I have NOT seen that. I'm sure coffee with Michael Richards would be full of laughs.
ReplyDeleteYes, every baseball game with your dad is a wonderful memory...
Wonderful video. As for Dad memories, many, and the coolest thing these days is that I "feel him" in my face, if that makes sense. I look quite a lot like him, and there are times when I make expressions and without looking in the mirror, I know it's a Dad expression. So, I carry him in a way. He's with me.
ReplyDeleteKatie--What a great expression--"feeling" someone in your face. It must be a comfort, to always have your dad with you...
DeleteMy dad used to sing that too, but it was ages before he told me the real words! I always thought it was 'maresy-dotes and dosey-dotes and little lambsy-divey" - probably like most kids did! Great memories!
ReplyDeleteLinda--Me, too. I used to think it was a funny, nonsensical song until my dad taught me--like your dad taught you--the real words.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right...They are great memories.
Your post made me giggle. Thanks for starting my day off with a smile!
ReplyDeletePat
Critter Alley
Pat--You're welcome. If you read Hillbilly Mom's blog, you smile every day. She's hilarious.
ReplyDeleteOne of my best Missouri friends is a Seinfeld fanatic. I've watched for years but will never come close to her rote memory.
ReplyDeleteMy dad tried to teach me the slide rule and guitar. I was unsuccessful at either. But he did teach me to try and to be proud of trying. He sang a lot too, and sounded just like Bing Crosby.
Marcia--The slide rule and the guitar...but not the slide guitar, huh?
ReplyDeleteYour friend may be good, but I don't think they would be a match for Hillybilly Mom. (I got lucky this one time.)
What your dad taught you was way better than the slide rule and the guitar. Effort and pride will help you out forever...
Thanks for sharing.