The Pyrenees---Southern France

The Pyrenees---Southern France

Sunday, April 9, 2017

The New Dress Blues and Back-of-the-Book Blurb Friday #55

       Shopping for a formal dress--as mother-of-the-groom--is almost as bad as shopping for a swimsuit. In some ways, it's worse.
       
       Of course, I'm not going to have to take a razor to my nether-regions, nor will I have to worry about chestal coverage when it comes to a gown for my son's wedding. However, no one is snapping pictures when I come out in a swimsuit, and since this evening will be chronicled with loads of photographs, I want to look fabulous presentable unlike a troll.

      So far, these are the top contenders:

#1



    This dress has some definite advantages, the main one being the reaction it will cause in the wedding guests. Because of the sparkly sequins, I'm sure once a person stares at me, they'll start having seizures. If people can only glance quickly in my direction, that means they can't really judge me as hideous-looking... which makes this dress one of my top three choices.

#2



       This dress might move up to the #1 position as I continue to contemplate the dancing I will do at the reception. The main feature I love? That longer back part, that makes the dress almost look like the dress is coming apart, like the woman wearing the gown got her heel caught in the hem and it's getting torn off the waistline...
       ... Because this is something I probably will do. Some clothing malfunction will happen that evening. Hopefully not of Janet Jackson proportions (no one wants to see old lady boobage) but the following things could happen (and have happened in the past):


  • a slip slippage. Once, my half-slip lost all its elasticity when I was standing in line (in a crowded college room) to register for classes. I was in my 40s. Everyone else was young and cute. I had no choice but to step out of my slip and slip it into my purse.
  • an underwire revolt. Once, my underwire bra battled me and won. The wire escaped its satin encasement and sprung out, flaunting itself above my v-neckline.
  • spillage. You name it, and I've slopped it down the front of me. In public. Always at times when I had nothing else to change into. Blueberry smoothie--minutes before I started my teaching day. Ketchup/grease in a school cafeteria or restaurant (sometimes both from the same meal). Red wine (this one never happened minutes before I started my teaching day).
          Of course, I am right-this-minute busily working on bedazzling a pair of Crocs to wear to the wedding and reception. But in case I can't get them finished in time, this will be the perfect dress to wear, because if I wear shoes with even a stumpy heel, I'm going to get them caught in my dress when I dance... 'cause I dance like Elaine Benes. This dress looks like it's already ripped up...


                              You've never seen Elaine dance? Here's a few of
                                                     her performances.


     And here's #3--


     This dress might be the one I ultimately choose, because if I stand still for long periods of time, I think I'll resemble either some drapes, or a tall couch. Or if I sit and don't move too much, I might end up camouflaging myself as a love seat. 

Help me choose. Reply with your vote, so I can decide on which one is the gown of my dreams.

And now, onto book blurb stuff.

Look at the photo below. That is the cover of your book. You choose the genre. A book on the history of statues? A how-to book from Bob Ross? He turned over in his grave over some recent paintings, and now--risen from the dead--has turned to sculpting. You decide.

Write an enticing blurb--150 words or less. (The title doesn't count in the word count.) Blurbs are those enticing bits that prod you into buying the book. Sometimes they're on the back cover of the book. Sometimes they're on the inside front cover. What they always try to do is lure you into purchasing the book.

Lisa Ricard Claro was the original creator of this writing challenge. However, she's been busy for the last few years. Eating lunch with Cathy Hall. Competing with Cathy Hall over the Korean children's book market. Up to her armpits with work from her editing business. Working on her own writing...

Include your blurb in a blog post. Include a link to this post. Also, link your post to Mr. Linky. Mr. Linky is easy. If you've never done it, you'll be impressed with how simple he is. And then, check out the other blurb(s). It's interesting to see the different directions writers take, given the same photo.

Here's the book cover, along with my blurb:
     


photo by pixabay


Maura’s Mojo


She was told plenty of times, “You got powerful mojo goin’ on, girl.” When she was a teenager, Maura could stop somebody in their tracks… with just her unwavering stare.
It was no different with her husband Russell. Maura could usually get him to stop his aggravating antics. Stop belching on command. Stop ogling young women he clearly had no chance with. Stop digging in his ear… and then wiping it on the steering wheel.
But one thing she couldn’t curtail was Russel’s finger fondness. Her husband loved pointing his finger, and it was unstoppable.
Finally, feeling like enough was enough, Maura promised, “If you don’t stop pointing that finger at me, something bad’s gonna happen.”
And then one day Russell waggled his finger under Maura’s nose… and immediately he turned into a statue.

Will Maura undo her mojo? Or will she be happy with her tall, extra-firm man? (149 words)


And if you want to work ahead (unlike Sioux, who's working several days behind), here is the photo for next week:


photo by pixabay

13 comments:

  1. Here's how I shopped for both Mother-of-the-bride and Mother-of-the-groom dresses. Bring along bride or future daughter-in-law (heck she might as well see what she's getting into). Make them swear to be honest. Gather all candidates (even if you're not sure) in the appropriate size and cart them to the dressing room.

    1. Try on dresses. 2. Check front, side, and back. 3. Narrow down to which ones look the least horrible. 4. Put the finalists through the dancing and sitting down tests. 5. Rely on advice of daughter or future daughter-in-law, and say yes to the dress they recommend.

    Here' the most important part. Go somewhere for chips and a round of margaritas to celebrate. You're done!

    Pat
    www.patwahler.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pat--I especially love the chips and margarita part...

      Delete
  2. Sasquatch said not #3 because the Easter Bunny might be attracted to you. #2 I personally couldn't adjust Mopsy and Flopsy in, so you be the judge of how to juggle. If I wore #1, I would look like Harriet Hippo, but I like that one best. Is there another option? I have a great idea where you can find one.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Linda--Tell Sas that the Easter Bunny must be one desperate rabbit to be attracted to me in THAT dress.

      Another option? Perhaps I could take parts from all three and make a new dress? ;)

      Delete
  3. I like Dress #1. I think you would look FABULOUS in that color! Of course, I wear red Crocs with black socks, and sweatpants with an oxford shirt. So perhaps my advice is not what you're looking for.

    As for your book blurb...Russell GOT WHAT HE DESERVED! I doubt Maura will be happy, though...women like that are never happy.

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  4. Oh yeah...and be sure that when you dance, you use the thumbs and little kicks!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Val--Don't Crocs go with EVERY ensemble and EVERY occasion?

      Don't forget the jerking back of the head. That's a crucial part of that dance.

      Delete
  5. All the dresses are festive, but the first one seems right for you. Bet the color is fabulous with your red hair. The dress shimmers yes, but it is elegant as well. I think it is a beautiful dress and would be beautiful on you!

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    Replies
    1. Claudia--Whoopsie! Red hair? The last box I used ended up darker than what it promised, and more brown that it promised. I'll have to work on getting back to red hair.

      Delete
  6. Hahahahahahaa!I'm sure you'll disarm everyone with your wit and charm. But if you want to look lovely, too, go with 1. That color will look gorgeous on you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cathy--Wit and charm? Is THAT what it's called? ;)

      Delete
  7. I like #1 too! I told my daughter that she needs to tell me what to wear, that way I'm off the hook and she's happy. I like Pat's advice! When is the wedding? And how come I didn't know?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lynn--Pat DID give great advice. Your suggestion of getting told what to wear seems good, too. However, I hardly ever go where I'm told to go...

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Thanks for your comments. I appreciate you taking the time to stop by...