Upping My Insurance

         Yesterday I heard on the radio about various famous people who had insured their talents/body parts for millions of dollars.

• David Beckham---his legs (that makes sense--if his legs go kaput, he won't be very useful on the soccer field)
• Tom Jones---his chest hair (Good grief!)
• Bruce Springsteen--his voice (logical)
• Mariah Carey--her legs (what?  I guess I will have to really assess her legs the next time I see her on television)

         After this news lightning bolt struck me, I contacted Lloyds of London, and I too am now protected with some extra insurance. After all, I want to be able to continue on---in the style I am accustomed to---if something horrible happens. Check it out...And let this be a warning to you, as you probably need to get scads of extra insurance to protect your lifestyle!

My roots--Yes, if something catastrophic happens to the roots in my hair---say, if they become the same color as the rest of my hair---I don't even warrant a mention. The public has gotten accustomed to part of my hair (the part) being the color of rat fur, and the rest being magenta or tomato-red or Corky-the-Clown orange. How else will they recognize me?

photo by milkmaid1979

My leg hair--Yes, if something caused the stubble on my legs to vanish, all color would be gone from my legs, and I'd be left with blindingly-white legs. People would have to wear sunglasses when I put on capris or---heaven help us, shorts---to save their vision. The sprinkling of gray hairs cuts down on the glare a bit. It's a public service...People have come to depend on it.

photo by ameros

My poochy belly-droopy chest combo---Because my protruding gut meets my succumbing-to-gravity chest, I have a clipboard made of flesh at my disposal.  I open up a teacher's guide book  and place it onto my belly, lower the shelf of a chest onto the book, and the book is held in place, allowing me to walk around and use both hands as I refer to the book.



         I know there are other valuable parts that need to be insured. But Lloyds of London spent so much time laughing (I think they were laughing because I was stupid enough to tempt fate this many decades without insurance) and then charged me so much, I will have to save up if I'm going to protect more of me...