Luckily, I was right behind Linda O'Connell, so we spent the hour chatting. (Of course, while we stood there, loitering, Linda tapped out 7 Chicken Soup for the Soul stories, submitted them, and got 3 acceptance emails. I did not use my time as constructively, and only succeeded in giving the stink-eye to the hoity-toities as they sashayed ahead of us to enjoy their preferential seating. "Botox-filled line-butters," I hissed at them.)
Lamott and Lamott were enchanting. Anne began by saying several times, "I am not going to say one word about Cheney's heart transplant. Not one word. My lips are zippered shut."
She said when Sam and Amy (the mother of Jax, Anne's grandson) fell in love, Sam informed his mother that Amy was moving into his apartment, but reassured his mom that she was going to sleep on the couch. Anne said, "Yeah, right. Sure," and then told us, "That lasted until 2:34 that afternoon."
Sam told a funny story about when his son Jax was a newborn. When the baby's umbilical cord stump fell off, the young father was convinced that Jax had clawed a hole into his own stomach with his too-long tiny fingernails, because his large intestine was clearly visible from where the stump fell off. They rushed him to the emergency room; of course, there was no gaping wound, it was just a dad needlessly going from 0 to panic in 0.3 seconds.
Anne said she shows up every day to write. She reminded us that the muse is not going to hunt us down. We have to place our butts in the chair.
There were a few video clips I took. I apologized beforehand for the shakiness; I was experiencing the DT's. (I was in desperate need of a Bolthouse Farms Vanilla Chai Tea, the breakfast of champions/Fireblossom.) However, somehow they were rendered unviewable, after a couple of people were able to watch them. (If anyone with expertise can help me, please do so. When people would click on the videos, a message that said, "This video is currently unavailable Please try later.")
Wow! Thanks for sharing these terrific clips. I felt like I was right there, again. Good stuff. One day the WWWPs are going on tour, too and people will be video taping us.
ReplyDeleteNext thing you know, you might be bootlegging a copy "Rochelle, Rochelle: A young girl's strange, erotic journey from Milan to Minsk." Or "Sack Lunch."
ReplyDeleteOr trying to save seats for a hipster doofus, a horsefaced guy with flaring nostrils, and Humpty Dumpty with a melon head. Or ripping a button off your blouse because you think it's a piece of popcorn you dropped. Or simply grabbing a box of JujyFruits on your way to the hospital.
Hey, your videos aren't working - well at least not on my end. I'm so sad I didn't get to go.
ReplyDeleteI bought them all. Try another store! (wicked cackle)
ReplyDeleteDrat, I can't see the videos either! I missed Anne Lamott when she was here, but as you know, our pal Cathy Hall made a spash with her crazy Cathy-on-a-Stick. I so wish I had been there. Ah well. Next time!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry I missed it, and I can't see the videos, either. But your post made me laugh, so we're even. ;)
ReplyDeleteLucky for me I have friend who is one of the hoity toities (sans the botox) who saved me a seat in the second row. But you were directly across the aisle so you didn't suffer that much. That is an aisle that is deep and wide and seldom crossed, except by me.
ReplyDeleteI saw you with Linda and was planning to schmooze her and tell her I am submitting to her Not Your Mother's, but she got away fast! Hmmm. Did you warn her?