The Pyrenees---Southern France

The Pyrenees---Southern France

Sunday, September 2, 2012

No Way---This is Not Your Mother's Book

         When our son went off to college, I was scared. Scared that no one would be there, standing over his bed and uttering the magic word ("Bacon!") or holding a cup of ice water over him...because if one of those things wouldn't be happening, my son wouldn't be getting up in time for his classes...

This is The Boy. We thought he'd never make it through Drury, but he did...with honors.

         When my daughter's slow-pitch softball team was short a player, I was happy to fill in as catcher. The pitches came over the plate slow as molasses. It would be a cinch. And then, while the players on Virginia's team were infield, I could "play" with my granddaughter. But then I got the awful news: since I was catcher, I had to also bat. And I am famous for being unable to hit anything smaller than the side of a barn. The result was embarrassing for me, and hilarious for everyone at the park that evening...

         Our son got so many tattoos while he was in college, when I counted them, I ran out of fingers on one hand and was working on the fingers on the other one. My husband and I begged him to stop until the frontal lobe of his brain finished forming...then he could make a mature, informed decision. But then he had the idea of getting a tattoo of his parents--a portrait of us--to honor us. Yikes! 

         When I was pregnant at 19 with my daughter--my first--I swore this would be my one and only child, so I was not interested in investing in lots of money for maternity clothes. I wore my husband's jeans--unzipped--leaving my huge Shamu-stomach covered by the long smock-style maternity tops of the era . (Hey, it was the 70's.) And I borrowed a pair of double-knit burgundy-colored maternity pants for "nice occasions. I wore those reddish pants so much, I just knew that right after I gave birth, I would be able to slip into my regular clothes and I could burn that polyester monster in celebration. But would I be able to see them go up in flames immediately after I delivered my after-birth? 

       These are all stories that I have submitted or stories I'm finishing up to submit to the Not Your Mother's Book series. Pat Nelson is looking for a few more stories about parenting and grandparenting. (But hurry. She almost has her anthology filled.) Linda O'Connell is looking for more stories about families. And Dianna Graveman is on the hunt for more tales about being a mom and being a mom-to-be.

         Think edgy. Think snarky. Think twisted with huge dollops of funny. And think about submitting. Quickly.

18 comments:

  1. Catchers can never hit. Except for Mike Napoli, and he fell down the ugly tree and hit every branch.

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    Replies
    1. I wasn't really a catcher, either, so I can't accept that rationale. But thanks for trying.

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    1. So give it a try. I know your thing is poetry but writing prose is much easier than writing poems.

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  3. I'll get right on that. I've farmed out my helpless menfolk for the day, and have some time free from making sandwiches.

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    1. Tell them that tomorrow they're on their own as well. It's Labor Day. It's a day for you to rest and relax...Right?

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  4. Replies
    1. Thanks, Linda. But I think you and the editors of the NYMB are doing a wonderful job.

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  5. Handsome boy. Every one of those stories sounds like a winner to me!

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    1. Tammy--Thanks. And I'm keeping my fingers crossed...

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  6. Hi Sioux,
    How wonderful. Congratulations to your son and you!
    Your story snips are great. I've been working on a couple things to submit. I have one almost finished for one of Linda's anthologies, but it's not polished yet.
    And what a great mom you are to volunteer to catch. That's the hardest position on the field, but then I know what a hard working and selfless person you are!
    Donna

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    Replies
    1. It's not that they thought I was capable of catching. They knew that the pitcher could fill in when I fumbled (which I did. a lot.)

      Thanks. And good luck with your stories. I am sure they will be winners...

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  7. Funny stories, Sioux. I was out of the loop for so long I forgot all about writing for this. Thanks. :)

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    1. Lisa--I was only doing what you've done many times for me. You're welcome (for this time) and thanks (for all the other times).

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  8. I've submitted to a couple of these. Love those folks. :-)

    Pearl

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  9. Pearl-- Then I look forward to reading your stories, because I'm SURE they will be accepted...

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  10. Beautiful son you have there and I think your stories will be so funny.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Lynn, for both compliments.

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