After my shocking, explosive expose' on Beth M. Wood, the crowds of my followers (all 7 of them) have clamored for more details about the other elusive WWWP--T'Mara Goodsell She and Beth are the blind albino newt twins--they live in caves and are only lured out for book signings; the other two WWWPs are famous amongst St. Louis writers, so the frenzied few want to know the scoop on Tammy since they already know Linda O'Connell and Lynn Obermoeller.
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| Tammy Goodsell, at one of her most recent book signings |
To shed some light on her, I'm offering a few contrasting characteristics:
Tammy Sioux
* has dark hair that sometimes * has hair that always
is wavy and sometimes straight, looks like it was styled
but it always looks great with an egg beater
* is known for the phenomenal writing * known for occasionally
she pulls out of her a## acting like an a##
* when she has a book signing, * people are given the
multiple male suitors show up to breathe-on-the-mirror
fawn over her test and then are
dragged to her book
signings
* never fails to use proper grammar * never fails to insert a
set of ellipses (or two)
in every sentence
* looks darling in pajama jeans * looks like
someone who
swallowed Halle Berry
when she's wearing
pajama jeans
* has been known to steal pillows from * has been know to
unsuspecting sleepers drool on pillows
* is in love with a Frenchman and stalks him * is in love with France
and plans on wood-
chippering her
husband, if need be,
in order to move
there
* is known for her miniature BLTs * has been known to
gobble down 37 of
Tammy's mini BLTs
in one sitting, while
she stabbed the
other WWWPs with
a sharp fork each
time they attempted
to get one
* has the lushest set of eyelashes around * has a lucious plate
of fudge waiting to
be eaten...
Now that you are armed with some titillating tidbits about Tammy, if you are fortunate enough to encounter her during one of her rare forays into the public forum, you will recognize her...and you can--with confidence introduce yourself.
And you'll find you are in the company of a gifted, gracious writer...
I thought your hair looked fine when I met you! It was a dark brown ..... oh wait, that was the fudge! The fudge that I got a small nibble of. He Who would rescue you, should you have a flat or lock your keys in your car thoroughly enjoyed your efforts in the kitchen.
ReplyDeleteKathy--You are such a funny woman AND you have funny RV stories (I'm sure). How about submitting some of them to the Not Your Mother's Book on RVs?
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ReplyDeleteHave to admit, I'm curious. Did I not look marvelous?
DeleteHa ha, swallowed Halle Berry. That's exactly how i feel tonight after trying on my capris. UGH! Got to tell you...you are FUNNY!
ReplyDeleteI felt that way too after trying on some clothes. It was like Halle Berry was trying to escape, via the rolls of fat that hung out of my pants/skirts.
DeleteWell, she is beautiful, and I know she is great ... but, dang, have you been re-winding Fargo, Sioux? Wood-chipper? This was great ... just like you, Tammy and the rest of your group.
ReplyDeleteKathy M.
Kathy--Yes, Fargo is one of my favorites. Those wood chippers---they don't leave a trace.
DeleteI was so busy writing about your writing, I forgot to write how wonderful Tammy is. Wish I had her hair and her brain.
ReplyDeleteMe, too. I feel the same.
DeleteYou are too funny! Tammy is teriffic, and Sioux is super.
ReplyDeleteAnd Donna is dynamite...
DeleteWooHoo! I survived the breath-on-the-mirror test! I agree with your list of contrasting characteristics. I have met Tammy. And you, Madam, are no Tammy. For one thing, you seemed only a little bit afraid of me. But Tammy was quaking in her tidbits when I interrogated her on the whereabouts of her blue pens.
ReplyDeleteAfter comparing the above lists of ingredients, I have decided that if you and Tammy were both pinatas, YOU are the one I would rather spend my money on and whack with a stick. (Sorry, Tammy. It's not you, it's me). Out of Tammy would fall proper grammar and phenomenal writing, plus maybe a couple of lush eyelashes jarred loose. But out of you would fall ellipses, Halle Berry, drool, a wood-chipper rental receipt, a ticket to France, 37 mini BLTs, and a plate of fudge. I really could use some extra ellipses.
The next time I encounter you, Val, I am going to insist on seeing what is in your hands. You sound too eager to use a stick on me.
DeleteWow - this is what I get for taking a little blog-break! It truly scared me when my muppet-face popped up on your blog! You made me laugh until I had to hobble to the bathroom AGAIN. You are priceless, and I appreciate all of the compliments, fiction, and creative non-fiction. You are a talented writer and a very fun friend.
ReplyDeleteTammy--Fortunately (for you) and unfortunately (for me) none of that is nonfiction.
DeleteKnowing you and knowing Tammy, your (Sioux) writing about yourself is a bunch of fiction, while what you wrote about Tammy is non-fiction (the truth and the whole truth) and you simply don't give yourself enough credit, but you sure are hilarious. If I had time, I'd do an expose on you. HA. I'm cheating by not doing my homework to slip in a few blogs.
ReplyDelete