There is a dark, murky underlayer when it comes to teachers and education. Sometimes the revelations will make you gasp. Sometimes what is revealed is so horrifying, you would love to gouge out your mind's eye... but you can't. It's too late. So, don't say I didn't warn you.
* Teachers are a loud, peace-disturbing group... when they get a call through their "snow chain" informing them they have the day off. Especially when it happens the night before. And especially when it happens on a Friday or a Monday. (But really, they'll take one in the middle of the week and be giddy about it, too.)
* Teachers don't get three months off anymore. The norm now is June (or most of it) and July. This is not vacation time. It's a mental health break--a time when they can check into a rehab facility. So, if you want to have your carotid artery yanked out of your neck, say to a teacher, "You have three months off every summer. What a lucky duck you are!"
* Schools are not good places to find a mate. At the elementary level, there are few men and even so, as Carson McCullers said, "A good man is hard to find." If you're hunting for a husband/boyfriend, work at one of those big box places giving away bacon...
* Horrible sounds emanate from school buildings. Have you ever heard 25 students--at one time--at their first recorder lesson? The noises that come from those recorders as the kids torture those instruments... it makes me shudder just thinking about it.
* Teachers are easy. All it takes is the rumor that there's a half-empty box of stale Krispy Kreme doughnuts in the teachers lounge, and a dangerous stampede occurs.
* Teachers--at least elementary school teachers--get excited about crazy things. A nice long pencil (one that still has an eraser) that's been swept up by the custodian and is sitting amidst a pile of dust and paper scraps in the hall. A free pen from an insurance rep. Post-its that are stolen from the school vault.
What kind of sinister things can you share about yourself or your job? Shuddering Sioux wants to know...
All of those are so true! The only thing I can add is that teachers have no fashion sense. Oh, I see young ones starting out looking adorable, but they soon succumb to hairstyles that can be achieved in a rearview mirror at 6 AM and shoes they can stand to walk in all day without wanting to hurt someone.
ReplyDeleteTammy--Unfortunately, I didn't even start out chic and cute. And my shoes have always been butt-ugly.
DeleteA school building in summer is host to a den of thieves. Anything not nailed down or marked with a Sharpie is fair game. Don't think your comfortable rolly chair is going to be there eagerly awaiting your butt in August. You will have to enlist co-workers with whom you have formed an uneasy truce to accompany you on a room-to-room search.
ReplyDeleteMuch like cigarettes in correctional facilities, doorstops are the currency of educational institutions.
Val--Hey, some nail polish remover will remove a name written with a Sharpie. I microchipped my rolly chair. That is the ONLY way to keep it safe...
DeleteOh when someone slipped out of that supply room, I made a beeline and slipped in...then escaped with exactly what I needed. My way was more efficient than waiting for a requisition order to be filled. Beg for forgiveness, not permission. I learned that from our school board prez who was a preacher, who got caught cheating on his wife.
ReplyDeleteLinda--Yes, when we hear the vault is unattended, it's a feeding frenzy.
DeleteNothing. How boring is that? I do sales for my hubby's business sometimes, reluctantly, and that word alone---sales---is enough to make me shiver & cringe. Aside from that, I do medical transcription which is sometimes boring (urology is like a recurring nightmare) and often depressing, as with oncology---I spend a lot of time sending prayers out to the Universe for the people I'm typing reports on. There are thousands of strangers who have been prayed for by a total stranger and they'll never know it. lol
ReplyDeleteLisa--I had no idea your plate was that full. You have time to do that work AND get a trio of soon-to-be-released romance novels published?
ReplyDeleteWow! I bow down to you.
Haha - mostly I'm a mess trying to squeeze everything in. Like now. It's 2:00 Sat. afternoon, I've been up since six working on first round edits for the first book in the series, and I'm still in my PJs. At this point, why bother getting dressed at all? Shoot, it'll be dinnertime in three hours. I'm a smelly, smelly writer. (I guess maybe that's the true confession you were looking for.)
DeleteI thought about a job I used to have where the company (small, about 10 employees) kept a kitchen full of snacks. I was addicted to the BBQ potato chips, but after my daughter was born I was dieting to lose that last 10 pounds (she's 20, I never lost it). My friend used to wait until about 3 pm every afternoon and she'd come to my desk with a bowl FULL of those potato chips. The evil wench. I couldn't stay out of them. Chips are still my downfall.
My sinister co-workers bring me illegible programming design diagrams that I have to turn into flowcharts. The only thing I know about Java is that it smells better than it tastes. I am not a programmer. When combined with accents I can't understand and the inevitable deadline of "TODAY" (when they hand me the papers at 4:30 PM), it makes me a crabby tech writer. I am not paid for overtime, and am not supposed to work the sweatshop hours they work. At 5:00 PM, I should be headed for the parking lot, my work day completed.
ReplyDeleteOne more comment. Daniel has wondered what you teachers do in the lounge - so much so that one night, he walked in his sleep and told me "The teachers are in the lounge. I bet they're hopped up on caffeine." With that, he turned around and headed back to bed.
ReplyDeleteKim--There is no way I could do your job. Any kind of computer-ese is a foreign language to me.
DeleteAs far as Daniel's curiosity...Since we can't keep a blender (of margaritas) going in the lounge and since we can't smoke anything, caffeine is the only monkey left to keep on our back... along with sugar.
Mostly in the lounge there's fast gobbling down of food (because we have less than 30 minutes to eat and go to the bathroom) and lots of venting. (However, I have my 3rd graders convinced that through a secret door, there is an underground pool for the teachers. They're waaay jealous.)
Sioux, Way to go on the myth of the teachers' pool. Let them believe you are the magical elite, worth their bribes and respect. The minute they find out you're underpaid, underappreciated grunts, they'll walk all over you. If your hair is messy and your shoes are on the feet, let them think it's because you had to hurry to dry off and redress.
ReplyDeleteThat should have read, if your shoes are on the wrong feet. And don't say, "But these are the only feet I have." ha
ReplyDeleteMarcia--And let her say, "My fingers were typing so fast and my mind was so swift, a typo resulted." ;)
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