Breasts: Can't Live With 'Em, Can't Live Without 'Em

photo by jamie nyc

       
          Recently, my husband asked me why breasts are often featured in my posts. Of course, since he is male and is differently-equipped, he's clueless.

         When I was in junior high and my breasts developed on my then-thin frame, they were a pain in the rear. Being a tomboy, I lived in chambray shirts and jeans, or overalls. My true desire was to wear bright red or rainbow-colored suspenders, but being extra-endowed proved problematic. Should the suspenders be worn right over the middle of each breast, or shove them off to either side?  Thinking they looked stupid on my figure, I (sadly) did not wear them.

       In my late teens and early 20's, I developed an appreciation for my breasts; as a waitress, I could use them to my advantage. Leaning over a bit--for leering purposes--when serving a businessman or a drunk truck driver could bring in extra-large tips. However, sometimes I had to get a customer's eye contact back to my eyes so I could get their order. (They were easily hypnotized or not too bright--maybe they thought they were in a drive-through and my breasts were speakers...I'm not sure what their problem was.)

       Now in my 50's, I've discovered how versatile my breasts are. Patricia Heaton (the actress that played Ray Romano's wife on Everybody Loves Raymond) once spoke quite candidly about the breast augmentation she had done. She said before the surgery, it was like an origami project putting on a bra---folding each breast multiple times to get it in. So there's one way they serve a purpose: as a free rainy-day activity.

       They can also be leg warmers during cold weather. If you flip them up over your shoulder and around your neck, they can be neck warmers.

        So yes, I did not appreciate or like my breasts when I was young, but now I've gotten quite attached to them. And if you have other ways they are versatile, feel free to send them my way.

Constructing and Deconstructing

photo by Lightning Lee
(Maybe he gets all the words right the first time...)

      
       I'm working on a piece that needs lot of tearing apart (the crappy parts) and  a great deal of building up (the weaker and the fairly-decent parts).

      One of the "Donalds" (Graves or Murray, I can remember which) said that writing is "as much deconstruction as construction." He claims that we spend as much time scratching out and deleting as we do actually writing.  

      What is it about the revising process that you love? Or perhaps it's a relationship filled with pure venom? In that case, what is it about revising that you hate?

Linda O'Connell--Assaulted

photo by favourite waste of time

         St. Louis writer extraordinare, Linda O'Connell, was assaulted on Thursday. The assailant, still at large, is considered armed and dangerous.

         Interviewed while the EMTs were evaluating her condition, Linda gave a detailed description. (Did we expect anything less from a writer?)

          " 'At large' is an apt term. She had droopy breasts and gray roots indicating she was about five weeks overdue for a dye job. Perhaps the authorities might apprehend her in the hair coloring aisle at Target? And she was wearing the most butt-ugly shoes I've ever seen."

           "I was about to sit down in a large, overstuffed chair at Barnes and Noble when this banshee came charging at me. She yanked the chair right out from under me and I landed on the floor.

           As she ran off, the loon shrieked, 'Stop hogging all the publication credits. Let somebody else get into those Chicken Soup books.' The psycho's floppy breasts and wavy arm flaps caused a tornado-like effect. I was lifted up by the force and tumbled again to the floor." 

            Police are questioning members of St. Louis Writers Guild and Saturday Writers. O'Connell's injury necessitated that the injured body part be placed in a sling. Fortunately for the followers of her blog, as well as for the countless publications that depend on O'Connell's stories to fill their pages, her writing will continue uninterrupted... 

              

Helping the Environment

        Always eager to help out our planet, I constantly search for ways to make Earth a better place.

      Endangered species are at the top of my list. Luckily, I caught this news flash about a creature that is on the edge of extinction. Perhaps if more humans embraced it, this animal might make a resounding come-back.

               Check out many more news tidbits of Doug Savages at Savage Chickens.

              And do what you can to bring this bear back from the brink of extinction.

              Kahlua. It's not just for breakfast anymore...

Two Wonderful Days, and a Wonderful Anthology

        The school year has begun, and I have the best class I've had in a while. They are thoughtful with each other, they have enough spunk and squirrely-ness to keep me interested, and they're a cohesive group.

         What's that you say?  It's only been two days?  All students are on their best behavior at the beginning of the school year?

          Au contraire, mon cheri. There have been schoolyears when the first day assured teachers that it would indeed be a looong ten months. Last year was like that. Or so I've heard...

        Anyway, the week of working in my classroom until 11 at night to get it ready is over. Next week begins the first full week of school and I'm truly looking forward to it.

       Last Wednesday, on my only day off, I had lunch with two women in publishing (Becky Haigler and Barbara Rollins) and a powerhouse of published work--Linda O'Connell. It was a delightful afternoon, and I left the group loaded down. Loads of calories settling in around my gut, and a load of books cradled in my arms.

        Silver Boomer Books has released their most recent anthology--"The Harsh and the Heart"--and I have a story in it, as does Linda O'Connell. Becky and Barbara have several poems included in the book. Linda's poignant poem "Army Wives," gives readers a seldom-seen glimpse of what life was like for Army wives living in Alaska. My story, "Unable to Fight," is about my dad, who passed away last December.

        This book would make a wonderful gift for a father or grandfather who served in the military. Perhaps a Veterans' Day gift, or a Christmas present?

          



         

To Plot or Not to Plot...THAT is the Question



photo by The B@man

     
     I have never written a novel, although the idea intrigues me. I tried NaNoWriMo last year and crashed and burned without even getting off the runway.

    Always fascinated when writers open up their heads and let us take a peek under the hood, I thoroughly enjoyed Clara Gillow Clark's interview.

     When you get about halfway down, study her answer to the question, "Do you plot, or not?"  Writers are supposed to know what is the pockets of their characters. They are expected to know what a character's space looks like. But Clara's answer gives us some tips on things we should decide that will help us shape a story.

       And now your mission, if you choose to accept it. I am putting it out publicly: I plan on trying NaNoWriMo again. Perhaps the second time is a charm. For all those novelists, how about some helpful hints? For those who have survived the hellish November experience...any advice?