The Pyrenees---Southern France

The Pyrenees---Southern France

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Getting Older is Getting Better: Seven Reasons Why Fifty is Nifty

           Honestly, if I could be thirty again, with a smokin' hot figure and a gorgeous face and great hair, I would trade it for all the wisdom I've gained over the decades. 

          Important sidebar:  Did you note that the "again" only applies to the age?  I wasn't smokin' hot ever, nor did I ever have fantastic facial features or cooperative (and thick) hair.

         So, if I returned to that age of limbo---too old to be young and stupid and too young to really know--I would only be younger and thinner.  Not a lot of pluses to weigh in against all the things I'm now aware of.

          Since I am 50-something, these are things I have learned:

  • In a pinch, a tube of lipstick from the Dollar Store is just as good as the tubes you pay $5-8 for at Target.  Granted, the color choice is limited, and probably it is made from blubber off of "Free Willy" himself, but hey, I can smear it across my lips and chin just like I can the expensive stuff. (And I just looked at the tube I am currently using. It is Sally Hansen's brand, and the color is called "Hint of Desire."  For the fifty and fat group, the "desire" is for fresh-out-of-the-oven chocolate chip cookies...)

    photo by iamdogsmom
  • A good bra is great friend.  Take the time to go to a real bra shop where a swarm of short, blue-haired women will hover around and take your measurements in a very unobtrusive manner (I promise), and after finding out your real bra size, you will leave a changed woman.  No more bonus boob for you (you know what I mean--when you have a third breast in the middle, because your cups overfloweth...)If you're in the St. Louis/Wentzville area, I recommend Ann's Bra Shop.  They are wonderful.

photo by patti white

  • Napping is delicious.  While toddlers rail against taking a nap, when you're my age, you rail when you have a nap planned and something screws it up.  Falling asleep in the middle of a Saturday afternoon while reading a marvelous book, a puddle of drool forming around your head, is even better...

photo by wojszyca
  • Your eyesight is getting worse.  Really, it's a good thing.  When you look in the mirror, you cannot see all the lines and wrinkles and craters that are forming on your face unless...unless you get one of those magnifying mirrors, that makes your face 20x bigger than it actually is.  Do not, under any circumstances, buy one of these mirrors.  They are evil.  (I used one that belonged to a friend, and I spotted Buzz Aldrin walking around. Scary!)
sketch by david shepstone sketches

  • You seem formidable and trustworthy.  Younger people are scared when you roar occasionally.  They also believe anything you tell them, even when you're being extremely sarcastic.  It's entertaining to mess with their minds.  Really.

photo by swrvler9284

  • People are easily surprised...They're surprised you did not just emerge from under a rock--gray-haired and grayish skin--where you've spent the last half of a century.  And in their mind, while you were under that rock, you listened to nothing but Lawrence Welk.  When you can sing along with a Train song or Lady Gaga, their mouths gape open, amazed.  It's funny. 

  • Laughter is important.  Look at life through humorous-colored glasses.  And realize that it's crucial to make the ordinary seem extraordinary.  Elevate a simple dinner into a gala affair with some candles and the "good" china.  Sing along with your significant other--loudly--when "Me and Mrs. Jones" (and overexaggerate the lisp) comes on the car radio.  And have fun...

photo by nanettesol
(Note:  Great writers take the everyday and make it extraordinary.  Today Tammy has a post about mowing the lawn.  Now, I never thought someone could write about cutting the grass in a way that would make me laugh,  but I'm wrong. Check it out.)


  1. OMG Sioux, you get better and better! this post is your funniest (yet); I totally agree with you on the sarcasm part - it is the best weapon only granted to the clever, self-confident ones. I wish you were closer to my hometown - we would be best friends!

  2. Sioux, I just love reading your blog. However, I feel the same way at 39 already as you described at 50. Of course, I don't really want to go any younger than 32, but, if I did, I want the wisdom I have now and the body I actually had then. Now I am going to celebrate coming on to 40.

  3. Very funny, Sioux! I just passed the threshold to 50 and it is quite an eye opener. I'd love to be 21 again, but not without holding onto current wisdom. It was too hard earned to let it go without a fight...I guess maybe the wrinkles aren't too high a price to pay for life lessons. Great post!

  4. You are just too darn funny, Mz. Sioux!! I love your posts, and so I hope you really do post every single day in December!!

  5. Hi Sioux,
    You are too funny. Love this post!
    Donna V.

  6. What a great list! And the bad thing is that I could relate to every single one of them!!


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