The Pyrenees---Southern France

The Pyrenees---Southern France

Friday, July 6, 2012

P Envy

        Unlike what Freud claimed that all women have, I have p envy, but it's not an envy of something that would--if I had one--get regularly caught in a zipper.

        I have publication envy.

        Talking to another writing friend recently, I discovered I was taking the joy out of writing for myself. Looking at the success of others was making me a wholelotta little crazy.

photo by mikekingphoto

        After this conversation was over, I began thinking: what is my "finish line"? What kind of goals am I chasing?

        Looking at the never-ending list of another writer's publication credits makes me a little envious. A couple of my friends need an extra front page on their blog so all their published stories can be listed. You want to read where their pieces can be found? Get a glass of iced tea and sit down, 'cause it's gonna take a while.

      When I hear of a friend's story getting accepted--and I had sent a memoir to the same anthology and yet heard nothing--I am genuinely happy about their success. Really, I am. But a small part of me thinks, 'Shoot. Another one of mine that didn't make it.'

       But in actuality, the joy I find in writing does not have publication at its core. Oh sure, it's a great feeling when a story is accepted. It's even greater when the story is accepted and pay's involved.  And when the accepting anthology/magazine is enjoyed by readers all over the country...that's like icing on the cake.

       However, what really gets me jazzed is getting something decent that's not too crappy to bring to my writing critique group...working on something that's completely out of my box, and getting a positive reaction about it from the WWWPs (my writing friends)...letting a longer piece sit, coming back to it, adding a little and letting it sit until I return...trying to write a story without any ellipsis--and almost succeeding...

      Last night we were driving home from visiting our granddaughter. Okay, my husband was driving and I was reading-napping-keeping him alert and awake with disco music. It was a 14-hour trip--a long day on the road.

      At one point I was in the passenger's seat contemplating a habitual gesture one of my characters might develop. I was staring off into space; my fingers were slightly fluttering in front of my face.*

       That's what brings me joy. Getting into someone else's head. Trying to flesh out a fictional character, put some meat on their bones and bring them to life. That is fun... 

         I cross the finish line each time I revise a piece so that the beginning hooks the reader. I cross the finish line every time I write and work on a story until it's completed. I cross a finish line every time I hit the "submit" button--even if it doesn't get accepted.

         Do you have p envy--and if so, how do you wrestle it down to the ground?And more importantly, what joy do you get out of writing? 



*   (When I did this, my husband asked me what I was thinking about/doing. I told him, "You wouldn't be interested." He insisted he was indeed interested. When I told him, "I'm writing a story about Bigfoot, and was thinking about what nervous habits/gestures he might develop," his eyes glazed over, and he reached over and turned up the volume on "Boogie Wonderland."

Next time, maybe he will listen to me.)

13 comments:

  1. I don't have publication envy for those who are so prolific. I just wonder what's wrong with my own stuff. I find it perfectly adequate.

    So...I submit here and there. In a workmanlike manner, careful to follow the guidelines, making sure not to rock the boat. Which is a killer. Because the joy I get out of writing is in being just a little bit crazy. Inappropriate, perhaps. Throwing out cliches like a dodgeball bully off his Adderall. It's fun for me, even if few people ever read it. I amuse myself.

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    1. So, Val--You're NOT the master of your domain when it comes to the amusement of your mind, huh? And I think more people read you than you imagine. You're a blogger that I consistently go back to and read your replies, because they're as funny as your posts.

      Yeah, I get it. Your snarkiness and sass and sharpness are not for all markets. But there are some that would thrive on it. Submit some (or some more) to Not Your Mother's Book--and submit to the collections that don't even have deadlines yet, because that means they're not getting even close to full yet.

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  2. Sioux, I recognize the feeling and I resemble your remarks ;) Long ago when I was a novice, I believed my stuff was good and the rejector was an idiot. That made me try harder to get it out there and prove my worth. Then, I realized, heck, it's not about how good or bad my piece is; it's about editorial needs. Now, it's "Well, there's another one to put in my freelance pantry which I can use at a later date when I see a call for that particular topic."

    Competition can be good. Envy... ehhh? Hate will destroy you. Now quit writing IHYAD on my papers. I just figured out what it means :)

    I can see you doing the hand thing and your husband responding as mine would, uh-huh. Hate that 14 hour drive, have done it so many times. But would do it tomorrow if some tattoo artist had a couch to crash on.

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    1. Aah, but the tattoo artist DOES have an air mattress (not a couch) to crash on.

      There's no envy, really. Just a bit of wistfulness at times. And yes, whatever is not snapped up WILL be recycled.

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  3. Nicholas Sparks is a hugely popular, best selling author whose books have been made into movies and are earning him more money than God.

    Still, he sucks; his books are pablum and he couldn't write his way out of a paper bag.

    On the other hand, Edgar Allan Poe died in the gutter, penniless. Emily Dickinson was published only twice in her lifetime, anonymously. Abraham Lincoln thought the world would "little note, nor long remember" his short speech at Gettysburg.

    Think about it.

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    1. I do. I'm not really whining or railing, just sometimes wishing the world could be turned upside down so the priorities could be no longer askew.

      I didn't know that about Lincoln. Thanks for the tidbit of information and thanks for shaking my shoulders. I needed it, I guess...

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  4. Hi Sioux! Great post! It reminded me of the question from March 2011 in Tiny Lights' Searchlights & Signal Flares. Here's the link if you're interested in reading about writer's envy: http://tiny-lights.com/searchlights.php?id=1138

    I think you've had wonderful successes: Chicken Soup for the Soul, Sasee, and others I've forgotten! Sorry! Give yourself a pat on the back. You'll have tons more as time goes by. Really. I believe in you and your talent!

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  5. Thanks, Becky. I guess what I'm embracing these days is that it doesn't matter if I get tons more publishing credits or not. If I enjoy the writing I'm doing...that's what is most important.

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  6. Just your blogs alone keep me entertained...

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    1. Lynn--If my frumped-up posts keep you entertained, then maybe you need to go to Brazil for some REAL fun...;)

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  7. Yep, you gotta enjoy it! And oh...I forgot to say, Boogie Oogie Oogie... (yeah, I know that's not from Boogie Wonderland, but I just had to sing it outloud...good thing you can't hear me!)

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  8. I lovelovelove Fireblossom's comment! I'm with her. Remember that link Lynn sent us? http://vimeo.com/42372767 It's about making good art. Or in my case, trying.

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  9. I know the feeling, Sioux! But I've come to realize that the biggest obstacle in my way is... me. I'm the one who doesn't finish a piece. I'm the one who doesn't send them off to be considered. I'm the one who has a great idea, but doesn't take the time to sit down in front of my laptop to put it "on paper." Hmmm.... I am working on a book. It's slow going. But every time I add to it, work on it, think of a way to take it a step further, well, that makes me pretty darn happy. And if I can just get one small chapter in good enough shape for my WWWPs, I'll be THRILLED!

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